The frustration is that, when you get into the dynamic of a relationship, there is always a desire to be in control. What you attempt to control though is the other person and instead of yourself. Because what you see is the reaction of the person as to how well you are evolving in the relationship. It is the purest example of how well you are doing. This is erroneous. What you get from the other person and the basic need of your desire is not truly where the relationship is evolving nor is it how well you are evolving. It is diminishing. If someone is giving himself away rather than bringing herself wholly to you as a separate individual, then one is manipulating the other. And this diminishes the ability for the relationship to grow.

But, if you can allow the person to come to you and say, "What is it that you are here to teach me?" "What am I learning from your soul?" "What is your beauty that I can absorb and learn from and adapt to myself so I can make myself more whole?" When you give her/him that much power, that much authority, you place that much love in resonance of her/his expression of choosing to be there with you. You will then find that she/he will resonate more wholly to you and with more trust. Because she/he will feel so needed, so wanted, so loved because you acknowledge who she/he is. Now the other person has to also take on the role of saying, "I am responsible for me," "I do not expect you to fulfill me" in the same sense. You have to look at both sides.

It is not about how much you get, it is always about how much you give first. And there is an universal law that emphasizes this; the law of supply which requires that you GIVE FIRST in every situation. If you do not see an immediate return from a human being who has free will, then stop giving. Move on to the next human being with whom you have an opportunity to give to. You will find it will come back to you in some form, regardless. By giving first you initiate an energy of flow, a cycle of give and take, and that occurs with the universe, which is perpetual. But always with the intent of saying, "I will let go of what I give and give it freely. With no expectation of it coming back to me, no expectation of a person having to give me in return. But I will also know that the universe will immediately meet that expression equally and abundantly. And I don’t have to know where it’s coming from." Tell yourself you don’t have to know why, and you don’t have to know how; but just be absolutely sure that you know that this will occur.

Trust in relationships gives you a sense of security from the person you are with. If you are here to learn trust as an individual, and you are in a relationship of love with a partner that you trust explicitly, then you have no fear of losing love. The partner reflects love to you, so you can trust the relationship, and you can trust and love yourself. A relationship only expresses the idea of learning to be loving of yourself. To remind you to remember to love yourself. Your partner will reflect that back to you. It works like a chain reaction.

If you lose that trust and fear sets in, then you think you are not lovable and that something is wrong with you. Without that trust your fear will be the end of the relationship. It will die. So the relationship reflects a dynamic in the human being, of the truest sense of what she/he is trying to understand. "If I cannot love myself, and I cannot trust myself, then in the end I have not really lived. And if I have a partner that I do not trust, I cannot love unconditionally because I don't love myself enough to trust whatever happens. Thus I really don't have a relationship, I am only striving to find one."

So we go back to the idea of fear. It is merely related to the idea of that mistrust of the self. Because ultimately it is not a trust related to a relationship, it is a trust of your own consciousness, it is a trust of your own beliefs, a trust of your own being. You are trying to come to a full understanding that there is nothing to mistrust, except yourself.

Marie: But it still hurts.

Kalumet: Of course it hurts. And it is very painful because hurt is the opposite of joy. Hurt and pain are the opposite of love and the feelings of joy that come from love. There are only two expressions of emotions: LOVE AND FEAR. You either gravitate toward what you love, or you move away from what you fear. Ultimately, there is no other emotion. Pain is only a reflection of your fear. It hurts because you are afraid of losing it because you identify yourself so much in your partner that you have lost your own identity. Or you are trying through your partner to understand a part of yourself.

A person can only reflect to you her/his own wisdom and growth that they have learned. They cannot give you something that they do not understand. Yet many relationships are about the idea of desiring someone to give to you what they have no ability to give because they have never experienced it themselves in this lifetime. However, they may have a sense of it, and what you resonate to is a sense of the lessons that you are both trying to understand. If that person can trust enough to walk with you through the experience --without the fear of losing you, and you without the fear of losing them-- then the trust maintains itself.

What happens in your daily life is that little things occur: Certain areas of trust and mistrust start displacing your energy of commitment to the relationship, and fear of losing your partner becomes the dominant focus of your attention. The idea of feeling betrayed comes around. But of what are you betrayed? You are betrayed of her/his truth, that the partner may have cheated on you, had an affair, fallen out of love with you. They only did what they could possibly do, in their wisdom, at that point in their growth. But, it has no effect on you unless you choose to assume responsibility for what they do. And that's an impossibility. You have no way of controlling another person's thoughts and feelings. You have no way of controlling how well or how poorly someone trusts you. And yet everything that you hate that is making you feel betrayed, you have the potential to do yourself, if you were in her/his position, in her/his emotion and in her/his consciousness, because that is just where she/he is. So it is not judging her/him for betraying you, but about making a decision to be with yourself, to either stay in the relationship and accept where she/he is, or to move away from the relationship by your conscious choice.

This is what is happening on your planet. The divorce rate is at 50 or 55% in marriages and relationships. Does this sound terrible to you? Does this seem harmful to the planet? Does this seem OK? And does it give you a sense of fear of going into a relationship because it might just end?
We would say that the divorcees are souls striving to learn their growth at a faster rate. They marry and divorce not because they didn't know what love was, but they just can't sustain the lessons that they are trying to learn during a lifetime. Instead they are trying to manifest their lessons at a quicker rate. So the more they experience love and romance and relationship, the more they force their growth. And we say force their growth because they are pushing themselves to get the answers that they need, to find out who they are and to become balanced with themselves, not with the other person.

In the old days, people had to suffer through a relationship whether they wanted to be there or not. Women had no choice of leaving a relationship under the guard of a man. Now, the divorce rate is higher because women do have a choice. And men can no longer maintain the control in a relationship like they did for the last millennium. Now you are moving away from that, and the divorces are merely a transition until male energies and male entities learn to respect women as equally as they see themselves.

It is the very nature of the male ego to want to dominate and control the logic in action within this world. And yet a lot more souls are coming in with an awareness of the balance between the feminine and masculine energies. And this is such a blessing for you to observe at this time because it requires you to grow into balance through this experience which appears disharmonious. Yet it is one which allows the consciousness to shift to a higher vibrational level where you'll learn to respect one another, to learn, to honor that you are equal and not opposite.

So if you choose to focus on fear then you can create many many different outcomes for this millennium shift. If you choose to focus on love --of yourself first and then love to everyone you come in contact with-- you'll change the vibration and you'll create a tidal wave --doing it in groups-- of consciousness shifting in a very short time. This will harmonize much of the geophysical structure of the planet as well because you are trying to neutralize the energy of disharmony and you're doing it with love. There is also a very scientific explanation for this, but we prefer the love explanation as it touches into your soul's nature. It has been proven that your consciousness and your mind create the reality of your outer world. It affects everything that you are in harmony with. And it can alter it just as rapidly.
* See a description under the button "Kalumet
Rev. David Gardner has channelled KALUMET for a few years and can be reached at cyber_goob@vabch.com or in Virginia Beach by phone at: (757) 486-8880.
Come and join us on Friday September 18 when David Gardner will channel again Kalumet. If you can't be present (in Falls Church, VA), send us your questions…

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
Here are a few excerpts of the 22 pages article on FOURTH-DENSITY RELATIONSHIPS, by Germane and channelled by Lyssa.

TRANSFORMATION FROM THE THIRD TO THE FOURTH DENSITY : "As you are moving from the 3D into the 4D reality (integration, or reintegration), the laws or premises that you have in 3D reality (based on separation) can no longer operate successfully in 4D. If you attempt to carry the premises and beliefs of separation into a 4D reality and refuse to let them go, you can literally tear yourself apart emotionally. A lot of what many of you are feeling in your own growth --whether it be relationships with lovers, family, friends, or yourself-- is almost a sense of urgency about letting go of certain things that have been carried for quite some time. This feeling of urgency has to do with the idea, literally, that you are moving from one vibrational reality to another. The set of beliefs and premises that were operating in one reality cannot be sustained in the next. So you are feeling that desire to shift beliefs, to shift premises, and therefore shift the way you live. To some degree, it is as if someone has handed you a tangled ball of yarn. There it is in your lap, but you don't know where to start to untangle it. The only thing you can do is start where the easiest place is to start.

Principles of 3D relationships are: secrecy, fear-based monogamy, conditional love, expectation, manipulation and the need to control. And in 4D relationships : honesty (non-secrecy), absolute trust, 'allowingness' and relationships by choice. The 4D version of "divorce" will be the recognition of two people that the relationship is going in a different direction, and that is allowed.

So the idea of commitment is a 3D illusion. How many people make commitments and do not follow through? A commitment never insures your security. It placates you into thinking you are secure. That is the difference. In a 4D type relationship, with trust instead of control, allowance instead of manipulation, there is no concern for the future because there is a knowingness that it will all take care of itself.
One of the greatest gifts that you can give the people in your life is being 100% you. This means that you are absolutely honest in all interactions and not take responsibility for their pain. You cannot ever be responsible for other people's pain. 3D relationships often express victimhood. 4D expresses self-responsibility and self-empowerment.

Literally 75% of anger in relationships stems from one partner or the other believing or being angry that the other person is not fulfilling needs. You cannot know what the other person's needs are. They will not verbalize them; sometimes they don't even know themselves on the conscious level. If you try to get caught in the game of satisfying those needs, you will get caught because it is a game and because the person is seeking to have needs met outside of themselves, they will never be satisfied, and then they will be angry.
In new relationships, there has not been time yet for the new person to fulfill or not fulfill your needs. That's why that sense of ecstasy is there. However, as soon as they either start fulfilling you or not fulfilling you, the anger, whether covert or overt, starts setting in, and that's when the manipulation and the control begins.

In fourth density, you all have a tremendous amount of love and joy locked within you that will begin to blossom when you stop expecting another person to validate you, when you stop expecting another person to make you feel whole. Once that idea is relinquished, you will soar..."
For more go to: Http://www.worldtrans.org/lyssa/112edit.html.

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